


Deviant/Defiant

by Korilian



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Multi, humor crackfic ot4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-12
Updated: 2011-08-12
Packaged: 2017-10-22 13:25:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/238493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Korilian/pseuds/Korilian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Not just a therapist Colonel! A sex therapist! Like having a Freudian on staff wasn't bad enough!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deviant/Defiant

Ancient engineering didn't allow the sliding doors in Altantis to slam, but somehow Rodney managed to make them hiss furiously when he stormed into John's office.

"This is an outrage! I'm outraged!" He yelled and threw himself into the one visitors chair, with complete disregard for the carefully piled stack of finished paperwork that was already sitting there.

John felt his left eye twitch at the sound of tearing paper, because of course Mckay wouldn't even have the decency to sit still! He opened his mouth to growl out a warning, but hesitated, eyes sliding from the stack underneath the scientists butt, to the much larger to do pile still in front of him.

As Atlantis military commander he couldn't just ignore an obvious crisis, he decided solemnly… Elizabeth would understand. "Hey Rodney."

"Did you hear what those fascist puritans did?" Rodney hissed and threw – actually threw! – his computer pad on the desk.

John's eyebrows almost disappeared into his hairline in surprise at the abuse of technology. He carefully looked down at the screen. The Deadalus' personnel list stared back at him. There were a myriad of things about the new personnel that could throw Mckay into a snit though. "I'm gonna have to buy a vowel."

Rodney's finger stabbed at the pad, quivering with rage.

"Doctor Muris. A therapist?" John carefully glanced up, still not sure what the problem was. The expedition had doubled in size over the years. They could hardly expect Heightmeyer to handle the emotional well being of four hundred plus people. "At least you won't have to see Kate anymore." Rodney had issues about what he described as, her 'deadly couples therapy'.

"Not just a therapist Colonel! A sex therapist! Like having a Freudian on staff wasn't bad enough!"

Sheppard blinked dumbfounded. They didn't let just anyone go to Atlantis. You had to bring something pretty impressive to the table to get this assignment. "We really have to stop selecting people on their genetics."

"Oh please!" Rodney scoffed, "You think they selected this woman because she can flush the toilet with her mind? Get real! Elizabeth should never have accepted Wagners paper. I knew this would happen!"

As far as John knew doctor Wagner was one of the anthropologists. A late addition and not someone he was overly familiar with, since hanging out with Rodney and hanging out with the soft scientists was often mutually exclusive. "What paper?"

Rodney huffed irritatingly, "Hello! It was all over the city. I mailed you a copy weeks ago." He crossed his arms, scowling. "Wagner did some 'research'," He made air quotes, "on our development as a society. He had a whole section on interpersonal relationships. The thing was completely based on gossip and hearsay. It was a fallacy. I told Elizabeth just that."

John shot him a disbelieving look.

"Alright, alright. My choice of words might have been a little more empathic then that. That doesn't change the fact that, that thing got out and now your backwards government decided to send someone to correct our deviant sexual behavior. You people have got to be the most repressed on the planet!"

"Yep, us and the Taliban." Sheppard agreed dryly.

"You know what." Rodney bit out, "Forget it. Don't talk to me until your as appalled as I am."

"Might take a while." John called after him, cheerfully turning back to his paperwork. It wasn't like they could _make him see that woman._

Fifteen minutes and two pages later Elizabeth called him. He absently tapped the radio, scratching out a word and trying to come up with another way to describe the overly affectionate Muppets on PX-874 without sounding like a molestation victim. "Sheppard here. What's up?"

"Just wanted to let you know that the new military contingent will be beaming down in about an hour. Also doctor Muris requested you make an appointment with her."

John froze, "What?" He managed to sputter out, "Look Elizabeth… Maybe I've been missing some rumors, but I really don't… I've got a lot of paperwork!" He desperately threw out.

"Whenever you have the time Colonel. Weir out."

John stared at his desk, trying not to hyperventilate. He could only come up with one relationship the military would consider deviant, but they'd been discreet! And surely she couldn't ask could she? He rubbed his sweaty palms on his BDU's and tapped his radio, "Mckay…"

"You too eh?" Rodney growled. "Team night. I'll get Ronon and Teyla." The line went dead.

Well shit!

It would be alright. The four of them would get together and they'd work something out. They'd lie their ass of and no one would be the wiser. No wiser then they were now anyway.

She was probably here on a rotation anyway. He cringed at the thought of not getting any for the coming three months and then some more at the realization that this would be the end of this wonderful, easy closeness the team had been sharing for the past six months, ever since PX-668. His ears burned just thinking about it.

John decided to go in search for a paper bag.

Elizabeth watched her senior staff suspiciously. Rodney seemed determined to break the spirits of his new staff in record time and John looked positively miserable as he debriefed his new marines. Teyla and Ronon scowling in the background did little to put her mind at ease. Something was up with her A team. She just hoped it wouldn't end in civil war this time.

Her face lit up as she finally spotted the woman she'd been corresponding with the past few months. "Doctor Muris!"

The gangly Dutch doctor made her way through the crowded gate room to shake her hand.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you. You'll be happy to know I've asked all the gate teams to make an appointment with you as soon as possible.

"Wonderful!" The therapist glowed, "I can't wait to hear their input on the Pegasus galaxy's fertility cults."

END


End file.
